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Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
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7:57p - New story.
Twenty books under your shirt makes you look pregnant.
This is the lowest of the low. Stealing words. Cradling them like children. Stolen children. Just have to make it through the gates. Massive Jackie O glasses covering most of my face god I hope they think I'm a woman.
A pregnant, flat chested, short haired woman with tremongous sunglasses and a three o'clock shadow making a mad dash towards the exit.
Don't attract attention.
Don't look anybody in the eye.
Pray you've removed the security strips from inside the books.
Pray that none fall out.
Pray that security doesn't have you on camera.
Pray pray pray.
Run.
My babies.
My babies keep hitting me and digging deep into my abdomen.
My babies want to be born.
I'm so close.
So close.
MY WATER BROKE!
Yes, shout it out, high pitched. Make it more believable that you're female. That you're innocent.
Nobody is innocent.
And that wasn't my voice.
Someone rushes ahead of me, heading for the exit.
Who?
Looks like a woman.
I can't see her face.
She's got the same disguise!
It's all slow motion now. A security guard, crouching in the magazine aisle right by the exitway springs into action. Achilles. Quick on his heels he moves forward with the speed, focus, and precision of a gazelle.
Or a linebacker.
Because he sure as hell smashes into her like one.
Into the woman.
Whose glasses come flying off. Her eyes are closed. She crumples and falls wayside. With a thud.
She just gave birth.
To Henry Miller and Dostoevsky and Melville and Nabokov.
And Dr. Seuss.
Quintuplets.
And it's not a woman.
I stop. And look around.
"I suddenly feel the need to take a giant shit" I announce and slowly back away towards the comforting safety of the bookstore restroom. And suddenly I realize my dilemma.
Men or women?
The lady or the tiger?
Fuck.
Eenie meenie miney oh fuck it.
Before I can even touch the door handle the door swings open and a woman comes out eyeing my beard growth suspiciously.
"Lady? Don't judge me."
Can't she see I'm pregnant? It's my hormones acting up. Doesn't she understand?
She should read about it.
(comment on this)
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